This is our last week to discuss the different love languages taught by Gary Chapman in his book, “The Five Love Languages.” When we learn what the primary love language of our spouse’s is, we can relate, communicate and love them in a way that will reach their soul.
This week is about physical touch. It is well known that physical touch is a way of communicating emotional love. Numerous research projects in the area of child development have made that conclusion: babies who are held, hugged, and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact.
Physical touch is also a powerful vehicle for communicating marital love such as kissing, holding hands and sexual intimacy. If this is a person’s love language (and most men will put this as their primary love language) they will feel loved when they receive physical touch and their emotional tank becomes filled. They will also feel secure in the love of their spouse.
- This love language has many elements, not just sex. Lovingly touching your spouse almost anywhere can be an expression of love. Just having my husband put his arm around my shoulders brings me a happy feeling of love and acceptance.
- Remembering to kiss hello and goodbye, good night or any other time is very important to those who have this love language. Also, placing a hand on your loved one, touching their hair, giving a back rub, sitting close together watching television are simply ways that can show love.
- People act out their love language to others. For some women who have the love language of service, they truly feel that by cooking a gourmet meal for their husbands will make them happy. But if their husbands primary love language is physical touch, they will want a regular meal that doesn’t take as much time so that their wife can spend more time with them.
- “Physical touch can make or break a relationship. It can communicate hate or love.” Gary Chapman says this strong statement in his book and I agree with him. When you withdraw or distance yourself from your spouse, you are hurting them deeply.
- Many people are already insecure in their own sense of self-worth so their spouse’s lack of touch can cause them to withdraw. And because they are afraid of rejection, they stop taking the initiative. This happens all the time in marriages.
- If your loved one or child has this love language, nothing is more important than holding them as they cry.
Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it. And He took the children in His arms, put His hands on them and blessed them. Matt. 19:14
A Note from Lane
It is difficult sometimes to determine your love language or your spouses. But I believe that it is vital to communicate with each other and find out. I tell my husband that I have all five!! And at times, I think I do! But my main two are quality time and physical touch. However, for me the physical touch I need is the simple hand holding or the arm around my shoulder. This works well with quality time because as long as I have Scott’s attention, I feel loved. And when I feel loved, his extra work load just doesn’t bother me. I know he will be with me when he can.
Wives, I strongly recommend you asking your husband what his primary love language is. I believe that once you begin to act on it, you could greatly improve your relationship.
I pray that this series of blogs have helped you. Please send me a comment and let me know!