This week is one of my favorite of the love languages because I feel loved when someone does something for me! I have a friend in Atlanta, Vicki, who is the best cook. Whenever she would invite me to her house, I felt so loved, because she would cook everything she knew I loved to eat!
I also think that this is one love language that many people do before marriage but after marriage they stop doing.
When you are dating, you put your best foot forward. The man will do just about anything to win the love of his girl and to do those things he knows she would like. These things are usually ‘service’ type activities as taking her to church, washing her car, putting together a picnic lunch, and generally helping her with whatever she needs. And a woman may spend a whole day cooking that special meal or washing his clothes to help him.
But after marriage, people tend to revert back to their normal selves. If a man likes to hunt or play golf, he will start doing that more instead of helping his wife. And the wife may spend more of her time with friends or shopping than doing for her husband. Expectations on what we want and what we think ‘should’ be done can really cause problems for relationships.
- Work this week on finding out if Acts of Service is your or your husband’s primary love language. You may ask yourself: Do you like him to help you around the house, getting the “to-do” list done without you having to ask him repeatedly? Ask your husband if you doing for him is #1 on his list.
- If service is yours, carefully explain to your husband that when he helps you (vacuum the house, change diapers, cooks, clean) you feel loved!
- Some men think that since men ‘work’ (stereotype) they don’t have to do things around the house. And some women would prefer to do it all themselves. But for most women, especially young moms whose love language is acts of service, they are desperate to get some help from their husbands, working side by side with them raising the kids and building a home together. If your love language is Acts of Service, you will need to let your husband know that if he does these for you, you will feel that he loves you.
- If your husband has service as his primary love language, he will feel loved when he comes home to a clean home and probably a hot meal on the table. If you have small children these will be hard to do on a regular basis which is why communication is vital to a healthy relationship.
- Remember that those people who love to do for others and keep their “to-do” lists crossed off probably feels that doing these things means “I love you”. They want their spouse do the same for them. However, their spouse might feel that giving you quality time or a gift is showing love. If your spouse is giving you the wrong love language, there will be conflict. That is why it is important to find out what their particular love language is.
- One difficult thing about explaining this love language is that most people love for someone else to do for them! But the key here is to find out what is the primary thing that makes you feel loved. Example: my husband loves a hot meal each night but would rather have quality time with me if there is a choice.
- If serving others is something that is very difficult for you to do and it turns out it is your husband’s love language, then having Christ as your example will hopefully give you the motivation to serve. For we are all called to serve others.
You my brothers were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Galatians 5:13
It is not so among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, and whoever wished to be first among you shall be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many. Matthew 20:26-28
Next Week: Physical Touch