With love in the air and Valentine merchandise filling the aisles at your local stores, I wanted to continue our study on what really is important in relationships: How to understand what our spouse needs to feel loved.
I believe that there are millions of people in the world wanting to show their loved ones love. Yet, because they don’t know their loved one’s love language, their love isn’t received as intended. Sounds confusing, doesn’t it? That is why Gary Chapman wrote, “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate”
Last week we began with the first love language: Words of Affirmation. This week, we will learn what Quality Time means.
If you find yourself continually asking your husband for his undivided time and attention where he can focus on you and do things with you, then your love language could very possible be quality time.
This doesn’t mean sitting on a couch watching television together, necessarily. It means sitting on the couch or the dinner table with the TV off, looking at each other and talking, giving each other your undivided attention as well as giving time in activities.
And when the person who needs this doesn’t get it, her/his love tank will become empty and they very well may lash out at whatever is taking “your time” away. That is why so many wives complain about their husband’s job, or activities as golf, etc. They don’t hate those things but they hate the time those things receive which they are not getting.
As we said last week, each love language has different dialects, just like real language does. We have to work at saying and doing the language in the way that works for your loved one.
In the case of quality time, it’s not just talking together but making sure to listen, to give sympathy, to be understanding without trying to fix the problem. And listen to the problem with caring.
- Determine if quality time is your husbands or one of your children’s love language, As we discuss these each week, you will begin to understand which love language belongs to each member of the family, including yourself.
- Have quality conversations and sympathetic dialogue with those who have this love language. Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking and don’t do something else while they are talking. Make sure they know you are hearing what they are saying.
- Togetherness: Having quality times together without distractions. Set up times to be together such as a once-a-week date night; walking together after dinner; shopping together; playing board games or sports together.
- Understand that the essential ingredients in a quality time activity are doing them because you want to express your love by being together, even if the activity isn’t one of your favorite.
- Know that most of your favorite memories will be those from the quality time you spent together.
- If quality time is your love language be sure your husband and children, especially teenagers, know this.
Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law? And He said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and foremost commandment”
And a second is like it, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.
February is heart health month. How well are you taking care of your heart? Here are some immediate things you can do to avoid heart disease:
- Stop smoking immediately.
- Start moving your body. Just 30 minutes of moderate exercise per day can help stave off heart disease
- Change your eating habits. Not as much red meat and salt and more fruits, vegetables, whole grains, nuts, beans.
- Manage your stress. Stress really is a killer. Practice relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, yoga and meditation/prayer.
- Maintain a healthy weight. Especially around your waist circumference.
Next week: Receiving Gifts